Green Giant

Wild Green Man

My crypto-reader returns will a spiritual successor to the tale he shared last time.

So, I was just out visiting my cop buddy in Indiana for the first time in two years, and he was regaling me with the backlog of Tales of Rural Police Adventures while we’re out target practicing in his field and had one that’s right up our recent conversations’ alleys.

There’s this drug dealer he’s mentioned a few times over the years. Mostly just pushes pot they grow in the woods out there. it’s one of those everyone knows things, but nobody ever had enough proof at any given time to get a warrant and do anything about, and the guy’s small enough potatoes and nonviolent so they had other priorities over actively sting oping this guy

about a year ago, they get a call from the adjoining neighbor saying there’ a lot of shooting going on, and like 15 minutes later they get a call from this guy begging for as many police to come as possible. They’re thinking gang drug war stuff, so everyone on duty rolls out

they get out there, and this property is just trashed…he said normally it’s a little rundown, but in line with everything else in the area. But this is like barn door is knocked off, windows busted in and shot out, Someone’s put a couple shotgun blasts through the front door

They find this guy and his girlfriend and a couple other guys holed up in the bathroom in the center of the house, freaking out

Everyone’s saying they shot at what they thought was a guy near one of their illegal forest grows, and it turned out to be a gorilla that ran off into the woods and they say a group of gorillas came back and attacked the house that night

So all the cops going “yeah fucking right” and it’s written up as they sampled some of the goods and got so fucked up they hallucinated monkeys and had a paranoid weed freakout over it and shot up the house

There was like 2 palettes of bricked weed bundles in the barn. So they finally got this guy after years because of this, heh

If I were my reader’s cop friend, would I have written up my report as a case of a dealer getting high on his own supply and wigging out? Yes, I would.

And yet, I can’t help but note the parallels between this story and the infamous Ape Canyon incident.

See for yourself.

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