Adpocalypse II: Chain Reaction


A slap fight broke out between a malignant narcissist and an edgy conservative™ this week. That’s to be expected from time to time. Edgytarians need to maintain their street cred by occasionally hopping the fence and counting coup over in blue check Twitter. You could get away with it as long as you were cool with Ben Shapiro.

This time, the edgy content creator miscalculated. He poked a sacred cow belonging to the priestly class during the high holy month of the Death Cult.

Since such an offense is now considered lèse-majesté, the edgytarian had to be made an example of. At first with reluctance–for the inquisitors knew that some demons, once released from their bottles, are excruciatingly difficult to bind once again–but with mounting zeal, YouTube’s Holy Office has not only excommunicated Steven Crowder, they’ve placed everyone to the right of David French under interdict.

Yet the palace eunuch whose dignity was offended remains inconsolable. In the latest of what will surely be a procession of guilt offerings meant to assuage his tantrum, YouTube’s canonists have issued a revised set of ritual laws akin to installing guardrails around the commandments.

It’s not even necessary to read between the lines. Our technopriest-oligarchs have made their edicts plain.

No words are to be spoken, no music played; no images graven, that might offend a sacred cow.

Even after the first Adpocalypse of 2017, when a host of content creators lost the ability to monetize their YouTube channels, heathen prophets, astrologers, and doomsayers warned of a second cataclysm on the horizon. Their prophecies largely agreed on the following signs:

  • The technopriests’ shame fuels the Second Adpocalypse. You will know it is near when the Orange Man arises in the West.
  • Following this sign, the technopriests’ Conservative slaves will be of no further use to them, for their service as gatekeepers was needful only while the pretense of openness lasted. You will know the end draws nigh when you hear their lamentations.
  • All humor is derived from noticing contradictions. But the technopriests can neither allow anyone to notice nor to point out the sacred teachings’ contradictions. You will know the end is upon you when all laughter ceases.
Digital gadfly Mister Metokur, one of the foremost oracles who made the prophecy above, has declared the internet end times. For his expertly informed take, watch the video below while it’s still available.
Jim’s analysis is sound as always, but I differ with him slightly on one point. Trump’s election–and the tech oligarchs’ shame-faced efforts to make sure they never get blindsided again–wasn’t the root cause of Adpocalypse 2.0. It was a catalyst that accelerated the natural arc of Big Tech dominance.
I don’t fault Jim for missing the main impetus of web Armageddon. The spiritual factors we’re dealing with tend to fall within agnostics’ blind spot. But the fact is, the current crackdown would’ve happened regardless of Trump’s election.
It’s been obvious for a while that Big Tech isn’t motivated by profits. This latest move, which will slash YouTube’s own ad revenue, is just another proof on the pile of evidence.
We can also rule out a purely political motive. Companies fearful of antitrust action don’t censor the sitting president’s supporters.
Though the liturgical language at the beginning of this post was partly tongue in cheek, it’s meant to reinforce a more serious point. 
We really are ruled over by devotees of a heretical cult that’s warped the Christian concept of original sin into a form of blood libel.
What Adpocalypse II really represents is our rulers openly imposing a perpetual state of ritual impurity on straight, white, Christian men.
If you fall into any combination of those categories, our technopriest overlords have given notice that you are now a second-class citizen. Your sole purpose is to serve as a scapegoat for protected groups’ insecurities; then die.
To this end, the people in the ivory towers are locking down the internet. The digital frontier is closed. From now on, the web will be a carefully managed stream of propaganda and products our rulers want you to consume.
The natural first reaction to this news–especially from those who grew up with the internet–is desolation.
But we must consider: Recreating the America of the 50s or the 80s was never a viable option. Even if it could be done, the rot had already set in long before then. It would just grow back to smother us again.
The rot started when we compromised our Christian faith for worldly ends. Yes, the concessions enacted to end the internecine wars of the 18th century made sense between Christians. But when the door was opened to let other, incompatible parties into the arrangement, the seeds of destruction took root. The Enlightenment experiment was doomed.
One of the hardest realities for people older than Gen X to wrap their heads around is that whatever rises from the ashes of the civilization that the Death Cult has destroyed, it won’t look like the post-Enlightenment sociopolitical landscape.
Quaint notions like equality, individualism, and religious pluralism will have gone the way of the dinosaur. Our Death Cult overlords never believed in these ideas. They just used them as cover while they worked tirelessly to undermine society. Now the masks are off.
The internet might be one of those formerly cherished but ultimately detrimental innovations of the West’s terminal stage. If it will be gone soon anyway, maybe it’s best to just let it go.

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